how can u be prego again
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
