Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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