I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
