I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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