oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
