I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
this is an emotional support booty call
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Randomize
