Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
