I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
