My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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