better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
