someone get that fucking seahorse.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
