my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
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