Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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