I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
