I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
