First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
