Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
