i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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