took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
