I hate your face
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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