He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
