So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
