can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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