areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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