Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
So many bounce houses so little time
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
