How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
