I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
