His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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