If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
