I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I am available for nakedness
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
