Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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