dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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