Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
