the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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