3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
