i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
