i don't like sucking hair
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
