I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
