I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
