meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
he high fived his dick after we had sex
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
