I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
