just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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