I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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