shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
