Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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