My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
