So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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