I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
