Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
