How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
