Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
