all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Randomize
