Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
